Without You
by jmostrash
Summary: Based on an au edit /p/BlTOh9ygKI0/?taken-b) so all the creative credits go to @xazkaban on Instagram, thanks for letting me use it! Harry has made a big mistake that might cost him the love of his life. In order for this fic to work please just pretend phones work at Hogwarts and that it's a modern au, otherwhise this wouldn't make any sense.


„Draco, please"

Harry didn't know why he was pleading. It was hopeless. And all of it was his fault. He'd lost everything, his best friend, his lover, his save harbor. He'd hurt the person he loved most the worst, and maybe for that he deserved all the pain he felt. Maybe he deserved the inevitable fate that was awaiting him. Harry really didn't know why he was pleading, it seemed too pointless. He'd do the same if he was Draco. Yet, he felt fresh tears threatening to fall at the thought of losing the one person he loved beyond anything.

„It's too late, Harry"

The text popped up and it felt like someone had just driven a knife right into his heart. Too late. Too late. The words spinned around in his head like ghosts, making fun of him, laughing at his pitying pleas. They knew he was the guilty one. „You deserve it!" a voice chuckled darkly and cold in his mind, making Harry feel even more miserable. He did.

„Just leave me alone"

A tear fell down on his phone screen, the words blurred in front of his eyes. That was it. That was their last conversation. It made him hate himself so much more. There he sat, crying pathetically over someone he didn't deserve, not anymore. Not after what he'd done. It was the most painful, most agonizing thing one could do. He'd cheated on Draco.

He'd been drunk, stupid, exhausted over a particularly long fight about something so unnecessary, as Harry now realized. One butterbeer, two butterbeers, the butterbeers. He'd stopped counting at some point. They'd washed the anger away, the nagging thought of Draco maybe being right in their argument. He'd also stopped feeling and thinking.

After that, he didn't know what happened. What he did know was that he woke up in his dormitory with a major headache. How he'd gotten back to Hogwarts, he didn't know. Until that moment when Harry left his phone in the Great Hall and Draco wanted to give it back, only to find someone named "Jerry" had messaged him. A very, very suggestive text.

That was how everything had gone downhill. Right now he was sitting on his bed, skipping Charms. He was too deeply entrapped in his self hatred and self pity to care about classes or Gryffindor losing points because of him or anything else other than him fucking up the best and healthiest relationship he'd ever had. If only he could turn back time, make everything right, act like it never happened. If only he could erase this one mistake from his life.

Harry loved Draco. With everything he had. Somewhere in those 6 years at Hogwarts he had fallen in love with the irresistible, icy blue of his eyes and the shiny blond hair that made him look like an innocent, sweet boy rather than the cunning Slytherin snake he should have been. Hidden under the blonde's constant and mean comments were words only Harry ever heard or understood. It was like decoding some sign language, and only he could figure out the things Draco had actually meant to say. Over the years, he'd grown quite fond of their little game, that endless bickering that left them both competing over the wittiest comebacks, the meaner words. Thinking back, Harry had come to enjoy it, even.

He'd also found himself seriously disappointed when in their last year at Hogwarts, their current year, Draco had finally admitted his feelings. It meant no more comment show-offs. But it also meant them having a real fucking relationship. For 7 months. Them being happy, sharing small kisses in stolen moments in between classes, flirting so obviously in potions that Snape took to subtracting 20 points from both Slytherin and Gryffindor to prevent them holding hands underneath the table. Draco slipping „good luck" and „I love you" notes into Harry's quidditch uniform. Harry smuggling all kinds of sweets from Honeydukes into Hogwarts by using the tunnel and then them eating everything in a lonely corner of the castle. Only the vampire in the picture of said corner knew they were there, and he left them alone and never said a word to anyone. („You can count on Gideon the Great, for he will protect your place from intruders and bite everyone who has the audacity to even step a foot in it." He'd once told them proudly before hurrying away to leave the two lovebirds to themselves, his deep purple robe fluttering after him out of the picture.)

Coming back to reality, Harry found it hurt even more to think about his relationship with Draco that didn't exist anymore. Because of him. Silent tears started trickling down his cheeks once more, and for what it was worth he didn't even try and hold them back, why should he? His entire life just felt pointless, regret and guilt were eating away at him. "You deserve it!" This voice, evil and laughing at him relentlessly in his mind, just wouldn't shut up.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Super big thank you to xazkaban on Instagram for letting me borrow her edit as an inspiration to write this little thing! xx I don't know if I'm going to continue this as it was originally only meant as a oneshot/drabble but I feel like this could get bigger and well Draco and Harry have to get together again at some point^^ Let's see. Reviews would be nice!**


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